We know it is not easy being a single man in the swinger lifestyle. To help you improve your odds, we will explain some helpful swinger etiquette for our single male friends. It’s important to be mindful of how your behavior can be interpreted or the extra meaning it can carry. In many ways, that’s the most important tip – it’s not enough to be respectful and considerate. You have to make sure you’re communicating your respect for your partner’s (or partners’) boundaries, your attentiveness to their needs, or their appreciation of their company. Without this consideration for others at swingers’ events, you won’t get very far at all.
Consent, consent, consent When you’re at a swingers event, it can be easy to get carried away with your own desires, but you must make sure you are getting consent from every partner, every step of the way. Consent doesn’t mean asking, “Would you like to have sex?” and then forgetting about it. Consent means asking throughout sex. “Are you enjoying that?” or “Can I try this thing?” or “Would you like me to do something differently?” are all crucial things to say during group sex (or any sex, for that matter).
While consent is crucial, don’t let it become a need for affirmation. Be sensitive to your partner’s non-verbal cues about whether or not she’s enjoying something, as checking constantly can be a bit of a mood killer. You are a smart man, so use your intelligence to assess their verbal & non-verbal signals throughout your encounter. If you’re really not sure, though, you’re best asking them rather than overthinking it.
Don’t assume anything We all have prejudices and assumptions about other people. However much we wish we were also nonjudgmental. We might assume that two women sitting together are single friends rather than a married couple. We might assume that other swinging couples have full sex with other couples or that all women enjoy oral sex. Try to drop these assumptions and be open to different possibilities.
A little like the note on consent above, you need to communicate and listen to everyone and not jump into anything, assuming you know what others are like or what they need. Even if you have swinger experience, that doesn’t mean your past swinger partners will have the same desires or personal boundaries as your new swinger partners. Be wise enough to realize we are all different, and it’s best not to assume anything. Keeping an open mind can lead to the biggest smiles.
Remember your usual manners First and foremost, if it isn’t how you would act on a date with a man or woman you really want to impress, don’t do it at a swingers’ event. This means remembering basic things such as not staring at others (and maintaining eye contact, not letting your gaze ‘slip’…), not intruding on other people’s space, and saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ On that note, don’t assume that derogatory language is automatically a turn-on just because it might be for you or has been well received in your past relationships. Keep your patter ‘neutral’ until you have a chance to get to know what makes your partner or partners tick. It’s important to be aware most lifestyle clubs have special rules you need to follow. While private parties rarely have this type of formality, it’s not uncommon for official swingers parties to have written etiquette rules. This may include dress codes, specific smoking areas, nudity prohibited in certain rooms, and other rules.
This is probably a good time to mention hygiene too. You want to make sure your sexy swinger clothes are clean and that you have had a shower before you turn up at the event. Not only is body odor a turn-off, but it’s also quite rude to expose it to other people. Don’t go crazy with the cologne either for some people that might be every bit as unappealing as a nose-full of your BO.
Keep realistic expectations Passing through the velvet rope of a swinger’s club as a single man or receiving an invite to a group sex party might seem like a dream come true, but this might also give you unrealistic expectations. Yes, this might be the place to realize some of your wildest fantasies or explore some kinks that you’ve been nurturing in private, but don’t expect that to happen all at once. Keep your excitement in check, so you don’t become pushy or aggressive. You want to stay calm and play it cool.
Reality might not live up to expectations. You might find yourself frustrated if what you’re hoping for doesn’t happen or disappointed if they do, and it isn’t everything you dreamed it would be. Be open about your curiosity and your doubts as much as your desires, and don’t pressure yourself (or others) to fulfill them. Talk to the people you meet, find out about their experiences and expectations, get a feel for the group and the vibe, and don’t push yourself to do everything at once.
There’s no rush, so take the time to explore and work out what it is you really want. You’re under no pressure to do anything, so make your comfort a priority before you start working through your sex fantasy checklist.
Consider how your actions will be interpreted Women can feel anxious and nervous at swinger events. Often, they find themselves the center of attention of single men, who can unintentionally come across intimidating. Consider your body language when you’re talking to women, and keep an eye on your alcohol consumption. You might not mean to come across as threatening, but keep an eye on your body language. Could it be considered a bit aggressive if you’re very close to her face? Are you standing leaning against a wall with her trapped into a corner? Remember, it is less about what you intended with your actions and more about how the other person perceives it. That can be very different from your original intention. Be smart and avoid this common single man swinging mistake.
This type of thing is common in all mixed-sex events, but due to the nature of swingers’ parties, you especially don’t want to be coming across as arrogant or dominating. Not only are you likely to blow your chances of meeting anyone at that event, but you’re unlikely to be welcomed back if you make people feel uncomfortable.
You can do this, just be aware We love our single male friends and wish you all the best time in the swinging lifestyle. You can read our swinger guide for single men for even more helpful tips. Remember, to boost your odds of a great sexy time, you will need to work a little harder to stay aware. You want to make sure you don’t accidentally offend other swingers. Go easy on the alcohol so you can stay sharp. That will make it easier for you to be on your best behavior which will attract you more friendly & sexy connections with your amazing self.
PUBLISHED: JUNE 11, 2019
LAST UPDATED: FEBRUARY 22, 2021 TAGGED WITH: ETIQUETTE, SINGLE MEN
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